Divorce and your Sanity

Getting a divorce is common in this day and age. Also common are books, self-help groups, and many other resources for getting a person through a divorce. Our society has moved from laws that restricted divorce to certain causes of action such as adultery to no-fault divorce laws. Part of the reason for this change in the law was the fact that many people were more than happy to lie in court about adultery to get a divorce, oftentimes with the consent of their spouse.

So we should be pretty good about divorce as a society, shouldn't we? But we are not.

In some cases, part of the reason is found in the attorney-client relationship. The psychological stress of divorce makes the client angry and vulnerable. The client looks to an attorney for answers. At such a time, the legal advisor becomes the biggest influence in that person's life.

Some attorneys, however, have had divorces themselves or have been through bad relationships and, because of this, identify with the client's situation more closely than a neutral counsellor should identify with the person that he or she is supposed advise.

The anger of the client turns into an overly aggressive legal strategy that offers no possibility of compromise. The parties end up in a divorce trial. The legal bills add up to around $10,000 or more.

Anger adds up to more anger. In the end, many people turn their anger towards the lawyer who led them on the path of anger. Others simply become bitter about life.

Here is the answer: find the right lawyer. Your lawyer should describe a legal strategy that is filled with anger or hatred. For example, the lawyer's language should not use phrases such as we can get him/her this way or that way. You should be given a description of your legal rights that is neutral.

For example, if your spouse cheated on you or mistreated you in other ways, you can demand alimony. This is a legal right, not a way of lashing out or paying the person back.

Getting away from the anger is an important part of keeping your sanity and beginning to plan for your future.